leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

officersneepsnop:

the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself

kingjaffejoffer:

ricflairsniece:

To me, a pre-nup screams “I don’t think our relationship is going to last and I think that when if fails you will try to take all my money.” 

If you proposed to me, then you know the type of person I am and to even imply that I would be after your money if our relationship went bad is an insult to me.

I’d rather insult you than possibly lose all my money, very easy decision. 

sullied:

i am so jealous of all the people who are comfortable with who they are physically and mentally

queencrash:

ritornerai:

What if Gordon Ramsay voiced a GPS

"Great job, you missed the exit you fucking disgrace."

catsamazing:

He wouldn’t move until I turned it on…

ravioligarchy:

that girl u just called fat? that’s a plant. u need glasses